5 Reasons Why Mark Darcy Is THE Worst

 

I LOVE the Bridget Jones films.  Did you know it was the first trilogy of the 00s to be solely directed by a woman?  And the ONLY rom-com trilogy of the new millennia?  Cool facts, huh?  I love Bridget herself, a clever, independent woman who is searching for love.

But do you know who I don’t love?  Mark Darcy.

WHAT?  I hear you shriek at your screens.  HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HIM?  HE’S SUPER DISHY AND OH-SO-SWOONY, AND MAKES MY OVARIES EXPLODE WHEN HE SPEAKS.

And I used to agree, dear outraged readers. Until Sunday night, when I watched the first film for the millionth time.

  1. Mark Darcy is (in his own words) “unforgiveably rude” the first time he meets Bridget (well, the first time he remembers since she ran naked around his garden. Dressed in our favourite reindeer jumper, Mark talks loudly about how Bridget definitely isn’t good enough for her.  To his sexy high school football friends?  No, although that’s what you’d expect from the way he goes on about her drinking like a fish and dressing like an old woman.  No, to his mother.  The man is slagging Bridget off to his mother.  Stop, Mark.  Just stop.
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No, maybe not, Bridget.

2. When poor old Bridget makes a fool out of herself at the launch of Kafka’s Motorbike, who actually makes her feel good about herself? Not Mark Darcy, with his snobby girlfriend Natasha (yes, the wonderful Miss Honey in Matilda is actually a bit of a cow), but the wonderful Daniel Cleaver, who at least acknowledges he’s an arse. No, Mark Darcy still doesn’t show any interest in our lovely Bridget until he gets a stab of jealousy as Daniel whisks her off for the night of her life.

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Oh come on, who wouldn’t?!

3. Oh, but he likes her “just the way” she is? Oh how good of him! As long as Mark Darcy approves of you, how could you be anything other than besotted?! I used to see this as one of the most romantic moments in film history, but actually it’s just another example of Mark Darcy being a bit of a tit, and me being supposed to swoon.

4. Mark has the nerve to read Bridget’s diary.  Admittedly I’m a little on the fence about this one, because I’m a serious “nosey parker” and if a diary was open it’s highly likely I’d have a little look at the open page too.  But then he goes even further, ponders through the pages of Bridget’s innermost thoughts (which frequently come out of her mouth in horrific episodes of verbal diarrhea – see the Darcy’s party…)

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See, even in the promo material Daniel Cleaver is smouldering and sexy, while Mark Darcy READS HER FUCKING DIARY.

 5. Mark buys Bridget a new diary.  In November.  She’s a diary-loving woman, Mark, she’s been to Paperchase before.  And she KNOWS all the diaries are on sale by then because there’s ONLY ONE MONTH LEFT.  Cheapskate.

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Bridget runs after him in her knickers, Mark buys her a 50p diary.  Who’s the real romantic?

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