Today has been the first “low” day since I’ve been coming off the meds. One thing I’ve always found difficult to reconcile in the last few years was whether I’m low from a bad anxiety day, or low because it was just a bad day.
Everybody has bad days. Bad days don’t mean the depression is coming back, or that I’m having a panic attack. See how easy it is to be rational when you right things down? Outside of my anxiety, I’m also a worrier. And worriers find it very easy to escalate problems. And so the train of thought pretty much goes:
“I’m sad today – am I sad for a reason? – Yes,but maybe I’m more sad because my brain is stupid – being sad sucks – what if I’m never happy again? – I’m never going to be happy again – I’m never going to beat this – I was useless to think I could possibly cope without my medication” *chews on a citalopram in a desperate effort to stabilise the levels in my brain*.
As the first low day, it’s almost like coming out of a fog. This is what it feels like to be low without a stabiliser. I can feel things. I feel like the Grinch.